And . . . here we go again. I admit it. I didn't think I'd ever get this close to my highest all-time weight, but I am half a pound under it. It must stop now. The upward progression needs to end, and my weight needs to start sliding downward.
As I usually do on Tuesdays, last night I watched ABC's Extreme Makeover Weight Loss Edition. And like ever Tuesday, last night I cried like a friggin' baby from the first five minutes of the show. I did something last night though that I hadn't done before. I went on Twitter, and commented about the show a few times. And one of my comments elicited a response from Chris Powell, the trainer who works miracles with the people he chooses to feature on the show.
This season, they have been weighing in the selected people on the spot, when and where they surprise them with the news they are chosen. Georgeanna, last night's person, was in a gathering at her church. Right there, in front of her husband, daughters, church folks, God and everyone . . . she stepped on a scale, then wept when she was told her weight was 315 pounds. My comment reflected that moment, when I said "I get the shame." Chris's response was swift and to the point.
Wow. I guess truly, what IS the point of shame? God knows the truth and how far I've fallen. I certainly know it. My husband isn't blind, nor are my kids, my friends, my coworkers, or fellow travelers on life's journey. Shoot. Who do I think can't see what I've done to myself. So yeah. What good does shame do? Just keeps me defeated and wallowing in self pity. And like Chris said, "Own it and then release it." It is what it is. (IIWII! spoken as: Double I, W, Double I) It certainly doesn't have to be a permanent fact. Even that ugly number on the scale is subject to change, if I choose to make it happen. And Chris says I can succeed. He should know. He has counseled and trained and coached a lot of people who were far worse off than me.
After Georgeanna had her 90-day weigh-in, at which she had lost an astonishing 94 pounds, Chris looked straight at the camera and said something like this: What about you watching at home? What could YOU do in the next 90 days? I'm not sure I believe I could lose 90+ pounds in the next 90 days on my own, but I could make a heck of a start on getting where I want to be in that amount of time. Let's face it; the time will pass whether I make progress or not. The question is, what will I have to show for that time once it has passed?
My son issued me a challenge today. He suggested we both work on losing weight in the coming weeks and months. And he added that we should also set another goal. For him, it will be to write 750 words every day, so that by the beginning of summer 2015, he will have written the first draft of his first book. I'm not sure I have a book in me, but I do have words and thoughts enough to blog regularly during the upcoming year. About what we're doing. About how we're changing. About whatever I feel like sharing. I think I'm going to take him up on it. I turned 55 years old last week (on July 16th), and time is slipping by. I've wasted far too much of it. It's time to redeem the time. It's time to be the me I've always dreamed of being. I don't for a moment think it will be an easy process. It will likely be one of the hardest things I've ever done. But it will be for me. An investment in my body and my life.
Hey Chris (& your gorgeous wife, Heidi) . . . if you're listening . . . you have inspired me. Please keep doing what you do. It's a gift of God and you truly are working miracles in the lives of many, many people. I'll keep you posted!
Until next time . . .