Another week has come and gone and I have made some progress. I find it's easiest for me to be disciplined during the day, but after my husband goes to work and I'm home alone until bedtime, that's when I struggle. I am, however, so weary of excuses for failure, that I will not make them anymore. If I succeed, it's because I allowed the grace of God to get me through. If I fail, it's because I gave in to momentary, childish desire to satisfy something . . . boredom, loneliness, disappointment, frustration . . . whatever it was that came floating to the surface.
And I must find a way to force myself to MOVE. I have not merely been sedentary, I have been a sloth! Once my husband pulls out of the driveway and leaves for work, I park my posterior in the chair in front of my computer, and there I veg until it's time to go to bed. Of course there are the occasional, unavoidable bursts of energy when I get up to go to the bathroom or to get something to eat.
I actually made progress today by beginning my preparations for the new school year. And by beginning, I'm reminded of something I heard Brother Kenneth E. Hagin (founder of Rhema Bible Training Center, where my husband attended) say years ago when he was preaching. "I'm fixin' to commence to begin to close." I didn't move any mountains, but, at least I made a start. And since I'm back to work on August 11th, and students are back on the 18th, now's as good a time as any to commence to begin getting ready.
I have a yoga DVD my daughter gave me. I'd like to use that because I've had a lot of back pain and discomfort that I know would be helped by consistent, quality stretching. And I have a couple of Leslie Sansone walking DVDs that are just taking up space on a shelf. I have an entire house to myself for almost nine hours a day before bedtime. I could pop in a DVD in the living room where there's plenty of space to move, and walk a couple of miles, followed by some yoga stretches. Have I done it yet? Not so much. I want to. But that's not enough. I need to position myself for success. I've made so many promises to myself over the years, and I've broken pretty much all of them. I need to get the DVDs, and put them in the living room where I can see them. And I need to mean it when I make a promise to myself, as much as if I make a promise to anyone else.
Okay, so . . . when I post today's blog, before I do anything else, I will get the DVDs out and take them to the living room. And tomorrow I will use them. It's not enough to WANT to change unless I'm willing to also DO what it takes to make the change.
I have come to realize there's no point in wasting time feeling shame over the fact that I've let so much of life pass me by. It is what it is. Tomorrow morning is a new day, and I have the chance to make it count for me. What I do with tomorrow is up to me. God, please give me the strength and grace to make the right choices tomorrow. We'll deal with the next day when it comes.
Until next time . . .