The Never Ending Question . . .

Thursday, February 28, 2013
8:49 pm

The month of February is literally upon us. March 1st is tomorrow. Like countless other teachers, my first thought is, Only 3 weeks left of 3rd quarter, and 2 months left after that. Thank GOD, summer break is almost here! Sad? I suppose.

I feel like a weird combo platter of eternal optimist, with a side of pragmatist, and a heaping portion of dreamer. Occasionally, really rarely, the pragmatic side of me momentarily squashes the optimist, and I land squarely in a funk. Thankfully for me and those around me, these episodes don't last long. Mary Poppins begins singing in my head again and I can envision life at its best. I would even venture to say, if I loved my work, I wouldn't experience the downslides at all.

But I don't. And I honestly believe it will soon be time to find something else. I've mentioned my dream job before - being a costumed interpreter in an 18th or 19th century village -  but at this moment in time, I cannot make that happen. It would require relocating, at least temporarily, and the amount I would earn might or might not cover temporary living expenses away from home. No, I think I'll need to wait until we're in a position to spend several months up north and the rest of the year down here.

I have allowed other ideas to swim around in my head over the past few months. I have toyed with the idea of taking cosmetology training (yes, beauty school) for decades. I always wished I had done it while I was in high school eons ago, but I didn't. I was told by school counselors that I was "college material," and discouraged from going to the technical school part time. Had I listened to my gut instead of others, who I believed knew what they were talking about, I would have had a trade to fall back on over the years. And, I could have supplemented my income/spending money at college by cutting hair. As an adult I have thought about it hundreds of times, but life kept getting in the way. I'm probably still thinking about it in part because the school where I teach English to pregnant high schoolers, also has technical programs, one of which is cosmetology. And, this school offers training programs for adults. So instead of going to  the local private beauty school that charges $14,600 for their program, I could attend the school where I currently teach, as an adult, full time, for $4,400. In 2 semesters (August to June) I would complete the program and be ready to enter the profession. I would just need to be in a position to leave my current job in order to do that, and I can't quite yet.

My latest fascination is with the wonderful world of preppers, or more specifically, homesteaders. My interest doesn't lie with the whole stockpile the weapons and ammo, and build a fortress idea. I've never watched Doomsday Preppers. But I do like the idea of having some land, maybe a few acres, and having chickens for eggs. I long for a peaceful place. A quiet, country place away from the ever encroaching mass of humanity. Where I live, it seems like almost anywhere you drive if you're out and about running errands, there are gazillions of cars whizzing past and around you like flies crawling all over a pile of poop. Gross, I know, but I think you get the picture.

I want a slower pace, but I don't think it is exclusively due to my age; I'll be 54 this coming July. I've heard people who are much younger than me say the same thing. I'm not made to live in an urban area. And while my community is not urban per se, it is increasingly fast-paced and cluttered with self-absorbed people who either never knew or seem to have forgotten what it's like to be a neighbor. I realize I sound quite jaded and negative. I don't mean to. I'm merely assessing my present situation in life and seeking alternatives. There are, however, some very strong ties holding me here. My parents who are 79 and 82 live within a mile of me. I'm thankful for that. I know the time will come when I will need to look after them more than I do now. They are well and healthy, thank God, so for the present, I can simply enjoy their company. Our kids are all within 40 minutes or less by car, which means our grandsons are also accessible. As a child I always wished I lived close to my grandparents and cousins. I adore our kids and grandsons, and appreciate seeing them frequently.

I think I just need to keep doing what I'm doing for now with an eye to the future, scoping out my next great adventure. Believe me, I'm ready for it! For now, I'm plagued with the never ending question(s) . . . what's ahead? How will we move forward from where we are now? And when, oh Lord, when?

Until next time . . .