Monday, February 4, 2013
In my last blog post I made the statement, "We become what we behold." For most of my life I saw myself as fat and ugly. I believed that about myself because that's what two of my brothers told me repeatedly. I don't blame them for my lifetime issues with weight. I'm the one who ate (and ate and ate); the onus is on me. But because I believed what they said about me, I thought I was fat and ugly. I couldn't see myself any other way.
My one successful experience losing weight (from September 1981 to March 1982) provided me with profound memories. I knew for the first time in my life what it felt like to be comfortable in my body. Though I didn't keep the weight off for long, that brief time left a sensory impact on me. One night in particular has stayed with me. It was in late February or early March, shortly before I was to be married, and bitter cold outside. I had a fire blazing in the wood stove that heated the ancient mobile home where I lived, so inside, it was toasty warm. My best friend Cathy was there with me and we were just hanging out, literally in our panties and sweatshirts. I had never been comfortable not wearing a bra because I was always too well endowed; my boobs were were a constant source of embarrassment for me since they drew people's attention far too often. But this night, I didn't have one on, and I was perfectly comfortable hanging out, braless. For once my chest wasn't abnormally large. It was normal. My thighs didn't rub together and chafe. My hips were slender, and my tummy was almost flat. As odd as this will sound, I was cognizant of the fact that I was not thinking about my body in a negative way. I felt good in my own skin. This was a completely new sensation for me. I want to feel that way again! And a key to getting there is going to be my ability to see my trimmer, healthier body before I ever live in it.
To that end, let me share another really cool tool I found years ago that can help me (and you) do just that: http://www.modelmydiet.com/. On this site you input everything from your height and weight to your hair style and color, and much more. You can chose to appear in a bikini, one piece bathing suit, or underwear. You can even choose your background (blank, bedroom, closet, or seashore). You submit your current weight and your goal weight, and what you get in return is a virtual approximation of what you now look like and what you will look like at your goal weight. It isn't perfect, but it's pretty slick! I have actually printed mine and I keep it at home to look at from time to time. Look how much younger the thinner me looks as compared with the rotund me.
The latter me is excited to get out of bed every morning to see what is in store. She feels light and free, released from a suffocating cocoon of fat. She enjoys shopping for clothes wherever she wants to, and has a blast wearing all kinds of new and different outfits. She is active and fearless. She loves life and knows nothing can stop her. She's a force to be reckoned with. She isn't concerned about meeting new people because she doesn't wonder if they're judging her. She is open and loving and at peace with herself.
I'm going to keep these virtual before and after pictures around until I can replace them with the real things. And I will replace them. Just you wait!
Until next time . . .