Sunday, February 17, 2013
I am learning that there are many resources at my disposal, and I can choose as many as I want. What works for today may not do the job a couple months from now. What motivates me this week, may not be enough to hold my feet to the fire when my journey has become an endurance test. In the beginning, we have inspiration and excitement on our side. We're psyched, as my friends and I used to say a million years ago in high school. Experiencing the strength and discipline to deny myself a second helping or a handful of peanut butter m&ms is a heady thing, especially when self denial has not been a practiced art. That feeling of control is invigorating.
As we all know, hindsight is 20/20. I realize now what I didn't realize then. I could just have easily focused on how far I had come in my quest for my ideal weight rather than feel sorry for myself because I couldn't eat a piece of cake. I didn't understand then what I do now, that eating in moderation is possible, and I am capable of it. I had given complete control to food, and it held me prisoner as much when I wasn't eating it as when I was. It was all or nothing for me then. I said with pride that I didn't cheat, not once, when I was losing then. The reality was that I dared not cheat or I would have spiraled out of control. I couldn't allow myself even a nibble without feeling like I'd lost all the ground I'd gained, all the pounds I'd lost.
I haven't really hit those moments of internal battle this time around, perhaps because I haven't declared any food off limits. For instance . . . tonight we're getting together with some dear friends, and I know for a fact, Carol made cherry pie for us to share with hot coffee and sparkling conversation. I will savor a small piece of pie and refuse to entertain guilt over it. Even with these every-so-often-indulgences, I have been eating far less, and far better quality food over the past two months than I had been for quite some time before. And the evidence that I'm moving in the right direction is ample. Clothes are looser. I'm beginning to feel lighter. And as I've mentioned, I'm happily wearing my wedding band all the time now.
If you are attempting to conquer some obstacle in your life, look for resources that can help you, but make sure you know how to use those resources to give yourself the best possible chance for success. And strive for balance not perfection. We will never, never be perfect. But we can change the course of our life by adjusting the direction we're headed. I started by looking for little changes I could make. Then I made a few more. There are innumerable changes yet to make, exercise being one. I'll get there. I'm not in a race anymore. I don't have a deadline because I'm changing my life and how I live it. And I'm feeling better every day.
Until next time . . .